Freedom of the Press

Paying It Forward

2006-09-05T21:38:00.000-07:00

As a Starbucks Barista I have experienced just how ugly people can be when they do not get their way. As a person who says "thank you" excessively, and genuinely means it when I do, it is fascinating to watch how often people make demands and then degrade you when it is not to their exact specifications.

But today I saw, firsthand, one of the most amazing acts of kindness I had to take a deep breath of fresh air to believe it was real.

So you have all seen the commercials, and probably the movie that coined the phrase, "pay it forward." An insurance company has a commercial displaying random acts of kindness, a car commercial has a woman paying for the car behind her so she can flirt with the driver.

A young woman came through the drive-thru today and asked to pay for the drinks in the car behind her. I asked her to repeat herself, because I had become so cynical that I was sure I had mistaken her meaning. She paid for three very expensive drinks, tipped her Baristas (which in itself is shockingly uncommon), and drove away with a smile.

When the next driver came through and handed her money out the window I told her that her drinks had been paid for by the first car. Her eyes widened and she immediately asked, with a defensive tone, why the person had done it. I shrugged my shoulders, tried to fight back a wide smile as I realized that the first driver wasn't intending to flirt, and said that I didn't know what her reason was. Then I closed the window and walked through the bar to get the drinks, feeling almost dumbfounded that such a selfless act of kindness had happened in a place where I had become accustomed to preparing myself for someone to spit in my face.

When I returned to the window with her drinks I saw tears welling in her eyes as she looked at me. She paused, without reaching out to take her drinks, and said,

"She must have known I was having a bad day. I guess it's just paying it forward."

I nodded and told her that I hoped her day would continue to improve. She shook her head in disbelief as she drove away, and I found myself too fighting back tears.

It's a nice concept, but after the event of today, I truly believe that paying it forward can spread joy to more than just the person intended.

And I'll Be Missing You

2006-08-25T00:39:00.000-07:00

One of my dad's best friends passed away recently and, as cliche as it is, it really made me realize how short life is.

He was a good man, one of the best. Everyone considered him to be their best friend, but Don considered everyone to be his. He was the kind of man who never spoke of himself, he would rather spend time listening to others. He had a regular seat at every person's home, at several restaurants and a few other places where he was welcomed with a cheer. He had a deep belly laugh that was infectious, and a great bear hug that could make you feel as though you were a toddler again, being picked up by a man who loved you more than he loved himself.

Even when he was sick with cancer, and facing the fear of death, he still wanted to spend more time with his friends and family than in the hospital improving his condition. Though his body was giving way, and the recovery process was torturing him, his eyes still smiled and his happiness still infiltrated the room.

Now I have been left to wonder, if I were to pass away, far too young as our dear Big Don, who will I leave behind to remember me? And how? I have reached out to those I care about, those who I have lost touch with, and even someone who I was willing to lose. Since Big Don's death I have come to learn that people come in and out of my life, and at times I have willingly cast people away and at times I have been the one trying to hold on. But perhaps if I were more like Big Don, listening more and judging less, I would leave behind a legacy of people who knew me as a caring, dedicated and loyal person.

We all love to talk about ourselves, share our world with others and constantly relive our 15 minutes of fame. But as a reporter I have learned to sit back and listen, repeat the things people believe are important and share other people's stories with the world instead of telling my own. Though this new life and career choice is rewarding, and people refer to me as such a good, sweet person, I have also fallen out of people's lives. People who I dearly care for have moved on without me, and yet I know all the steps they are taking in their lives and all the adventures they are embarking upon. But what do they know of me? All summer I have ached knowing that I am traveling my life path alone, without someone to tell my story, and no one to listen.

But should it matter? There were so many aspects of Big Don's life that no one person knew him entirely. And he will always be remembered as the sweetest man, the one who always listened.

So perhaps if I keep listening more, I may be forgotten for the rest of my life, but afterward I will be remembered.

My Post Secret

2005-09-29T23:27:00.000-07:00

I promised myself that I would follow my journalism assignment and post on this website every day. So now that I have had a few drinks I have the liquid courage to share my post secret.

Tonight I finally admitted that I'm horrified of dying alone.

It has been two complete years since there was a significant man in my life. Since then I have lived in London for months, I have pursued my dream career and I have lived my life the way I always thought I would at this young age.

But still, I wish there was someone significant in my life. But when there is, I am horrified of relationships and usually push him away faster than a person launching a shopping cart across the parking lot to the cart bin.

I have tried to come to terms with the fact that I might die old and alone with a household of cats. I will pass out toothbrushes to little kids on Halloween and I will use a motorized cart when I go grocery shopping...

Gravity Sucks

2005-09-30T20:38:00.000-07:00

I fell last night. Again.

I was a ballerina until I was sixteen and it always distressed my mother that I only had grace on stage. I fall down all the time. I blame it on my tiny feet. I have a size 6 1/2 shoe, yet I'm 5'8"... That distortion should be to blame.

I fell on a stairmaster at the gym. It's that bad.

Every weekend that I choose to drink I have some cataclysmic spill.

Last year was the most gruesome... gravel + stilettos = road rash to the bone.

A couple weekends ago I fell off a bar stool at the U-Bar because some ugly guy was trying to whisper something in my ear and had me leaning on two pegs. For days afterward my right knee turned purple and ached with every step.

Last night was my favorite. I was standing on gravel but I fell forward onto the cemet and hit my chin on the wooden chair that we have on our patio. This actually happened while I was on the phone with the Texan, so I stifled my cries of agony and faked a cheery goodbye. I now have a black goose-egg on that same right knee and I am convinced my entire leg will fall off.

Tonight I'm wearing flip-flops.

Wonderful Day

2005-10-01T21:00:00.000-07:00

There are a few simple joys in life that keep my world spinning.

I love sleeping in and actually plan it into my weekend schedule. I woke up today at 1.

This afternoon as I walked to the ATM I saw a dog tied to a parking meter. I stopped and pet him for a few minutes and cooed at him like a middle-aged woman in the prescence a baby. Repeat on the way back.

Then I got to drive across town to get lunch. I love looking around, listening to my compilations of indie rock and thinking. I took the long route today.

I actually made dinner without burning myself or lighting something on fire. Granted it was a frozen all-inclusive kit. Trader Joe is my hero.

And now as I sit here I realize that I love the sound of my keyboard keys clicking. Tick.

Tonight I will see three different groups of friends. We're going sailing with Captain Morgan. I love that damn pirate.

It's Been A While...

2006-02-01T21:57:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged in a long time because my life has been so hectic I hardly have time to sleep. Which would explain why I have the plague right now. So why am I so tired?

The other day I realized that I have been going to school for two years straight, and now the spring semester has begun.

But the good news is that I am doing very well in school and I will graduate in May. I'm starting to freak out a little bit, but it's also exciting. I want to be a broadcast journalist, "live on location, and back to you in the studio."

Home Alone

2006-04-15T18:06:00.000-07:00

Obviously I haven't been maintaining this blog because I have too much going on in my life, most importantly drinking gallons of tequila with my friends before we all graduate and become adults. I'm concentrating on my fabulous life as a college student for the last few weeks before I walk across that stage and pick up that unbelievably expensive piece of paper. As graduation draws near I have to concentrate on keeping my grades up, spending as much time as I can with my friends while we are all in town, being a responsible reporter and attempting to drink tequila 3 to 4 nights a week. Life is rough.

It is Easter weekend and the town is empty. I find it surprising that such a liberal town with such a politically correct campus that doesn't let us even mention the word Christianity (oh I should not have said that, for shame) clears out on a religious holiday...

As for reporting, my beat is starting to get exciting and my articles should start sparkling again soon, so keep reading. I also get to moderate an Ethics Forum that I have been planning with a few other students.

The job front is slow because my resume tape isn't good enough to submit to television stations. So now I get to move back in with my parents and complete another internship for free, yipee. But in a week I leave for Vegas for the RTNDA conference and hopefully some employer falls in love with me and gives me a shot in the dark.

The beginning of the next great American novel

2006-07-26T15:02:00.000-07:00

So I was right, I haven't been able to keep up with this blog.

But now that I have graduated from college and moved home, my life has settled down.

I'm an intern at a television station, hoping to become a reporter this fall. Until then I have been searching for a job that pays, but I have been told repeatedly that I'm over-qualified. I just got a job working at the state fair, which should be a great way to improve my tan and get out of debt.

But now that I don't have a steady job or any homework, I have been given the gift of time. So I have started the next great American novel. It may take years before I'm published, but it's sure fun to think about making a living doing what I love to do the most; write.

Here's a little preview of a future NY Times bestseller. This is a Sleeping Beauty tale, and the following passage tells the reaction of the royal family and the crowd after the announcement that the Sleeping Beauty will not live past her sixteenth birthday.

"The crowd paused in shock, and then slowly, one by one, regained their composure. They turned to the king for answers, but he stood there motionless, staring blankly at the open doors and the darkening sky beyond. Fear engulfed his face; his jaw was slack, his eyes empty and brimming with tears.

The queen clutched the bassinet and started to shake with grief. She wept aloud, but it was a quiet, mournful, helpless sorrow. She started to shake her head and seemed so weak it looked as if she would collapse. Then she stood suddenly and appeared to stop breathing, which drew the king’s gaze toward her. She grasped her child and held her close to her chest. The princess’s white christening gown draped down to the floor as the queen held her and kissed her head repeatedly. Then she fell to the ground, her skirts puffing around her. She wrapped her child as tight as she could in her arms, rocked back and forth, and started to sob again.

There was no celebration that night."

[all content and intellectual property protected by copyright law; E. Rusk 2006]

Greatest Party Of The Year

2005-10-30T16:07:00.000-08:00

Halloween 2005
Krystal the Canadian Mountie
Me the Beer Garden Girl
Jayme the Ringmaster

Swept Away

2005-11-06T12:32:00.000-08:00

Bill

2005-10-23T14:04:00.000-07:00

"He's dead?"

Atlantis

2005-10-14T15:56:00.000-07:00

London's Calling

2005-10-16T21:12:00.000-07:00

Everyday I get the insatiable urge to run away... If I had the money, today I would have.

Cillian Murphy

2005-10-18T18:06:00.000-07:00

Another candidate for the role as my future husband...

Fabulous

2005-10-19T13:23:00.000-07:00

This is how I felt today...

An Elephant No More

2005-10-13T20:42:00.000-07:00

Tonight I finalized a hard decision.

Over the past two weeks I have lived my life the way I want to. I realized that luy letting a few things go, I had actually become happier.

So tonight at 5:58 p.m. I turned in my resignation to the Republican club.

There were people who drove me nuts and people who I couldn't see enough. But it got to the point where I couldn't handle the pressure anymore. It makes me ache when I know I am disappointing people, but unrealistic expectations are hard to live up to.

The sad thing is that I feel free. I realized that the Republican club was one of my commitments that was dragging me down, so I let go. Now I have so much more guilt free time to devote to my true loves - school, friends, reporting, sleeping and enjoying an actual social life.

Why?

2005-10-12T21:11:00.000-07:00

Today I noticed a dent in Rocket's hood.

On closer inspection I saw a large and in charge dirty footprint.

Dirty prints in the layer of sap, clearly outlined dude-sized skater shoes.

Another print higher on the hood.

Another print on the roof.

Another print on the trunk.

Some guy thought it was funny to walk over the top of my car.

What an incredible feat.

Not only was my car vandalized, but I now I have to weigh the decisions ahead of me.

1. to give my car up for a week to get body repair and increase my monthly insurance premium yet again

2. to leave the dent and reduce the price of the car even more when I sell it in May

I'm sure his friends got a hearty laugh.

I got sick to my stomach.

Step

2005-10-11T19:02:00.000-07:00

I have been trying to lose my freshman-15 since I gained it my first semester of college.

I will graduate in May.

It's time for drastic measures.

I know the South Beach diet is very successful for me, but it's hard to cook EVERY meal EVERY day when my life is this hectic. It was much easier over the summer when I could give my mom a grocery list and a dinner request. (She even packed my lunches in the morning and left them on the counter with a little note!) But I don't have enough time, money or energy to follow a diet. So I eat as well as I can -- you know, condensed vegetable soup, fat free cheese and sometimes chicken.

I have a nagging voice in the back of my head that reminds me of my own promise to do something nice for myself every day.

So tonight I took my first Step.

I showed up at my gym, stretched and ready to go. I was surrounded by three middle-aged women and a platform in front of me. I worked so hard even my neck was sweating. I kicked my own butt, literally and figuratively. And then I rolled my ankle.

I only stayed for half the class (30 minutes) because my ankle was swelling, but I was so proud of myself. My muscles are weak and shaky, and I know tomorrow is going to be painful. But it was worth every ache and even all the swelling.

Sew Awesome

2005-10-09T22:34:00.000-07:00

I got to sew today and realized I had forgotten how much fun it is to complete a project.

I have a jean mini skirt with frayed edges because it's the "cool" look. The only problem is that I can't wear it because when I washed it for the first time the edges frayed another half an inch. So I trimmed it and decided that I couldn't wash it again until I created a seam that would prevent the fray from spreading. Today I made that seam and got very excited that I had completed a project on my list and I could once again wear my skirt - just at the time when fall is kicking in and it's too cold to actually wear it.

I also added ribbon to the petticoat on my Halloween costume (German beer maiden) and extended it another two inches so that my butt doesn't play hide and seek. I created tassels and relaced the bodace.

Now I'm desperate to start working on my quilts again, but I don't have enough money or enough time to finsh them.

Playing Chicken With A Train

2005-10-08T23:16:00.000-07:00

Last night was the most fun time I have had with my girls this semester.

We played board games and went sailing with the Captain. At 11 we finally decided it was time to leave the house and head down to our favorite bar Joe's -- where no one knows your name and you can throw discarded peanut shells on the sawdust-covered floor. As we left the house we heard the distant toot of an approaching train.

There was a long pause when we all realized that we were still a block away from the tracks. Jayme yelled "TRAIN!" and we all started running full sprint. This must have been a hysterical sight because we were all running uphill on asphalt in heels. We were laughing and yelling and running at the same time as we dodged the falling gates and ignored the flashing lights and repetitive chiming.

As we reached the tracks I gasped for a breath of air I heard the same yells and laughter coming from behind me. I looked over my shoulder, almost tripped, and saw three other groups of friends all racing for the finish line.

We made it safely to the other side and all immediately bent over, hand on our knees, choking through our laughter and side-aches caused by running on a full stomach of rum and diet coke. I stood up to stretch the stitch out of my side when the train passed and the wind blew my hair up like Marilyn Monroe's white dress. As I shook my medusa-like mane out of my face I looked at my girls, bent over and laughing, and thought, "wow, that wouldn't have been the same with anyone else".

Shopping Spree

2005-10-07T19:08:00.000-07:00

My friends and I went on a shopping spree this afternoon and I came home dragging four bags. I know my Visa is going to spontaneously combust soon, but each day I do something nice for myself and this was it. The interesting part is that half of the stuff I bought are presents for other people. And the stuff I got for myself was totally practical. Right.

Salon Day

2005-10-06T20:34:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder why a bride is glowing? Though it is mostly because she's marrying the man she loves, it is also because she just had the best salon day of her life.

I spent two and a half hours in the salon today getting my hair done and I feel like a brand new person. I got a complete highlight and a brand new style. The best part was that I got my head massaged and I arrived at a midterm with full wringlets. There was a bounce in my step today and I must have had a stupid grin on my face like those girls in the Nice'n'Easy commercials.

I have had some negative things happen in the past few weeks and now I am working on fixing the problems. I have left groups of stressful people behind and I have made new healthier friends. My grades are good, my goals are greater and my friends are the best. My last accomplishment was to get my self-esteem back up to normal, and with this 'fro I have!

I have been obsessed with touching my head all day because I can't believe it's real. Of course this excitement will wear off tomorrow when I need to style it by myself. My cowlick will miraculously reappear and my bangs won't swoop. But for tonight I'm going to knock his socks off.

Chris, if you read this, thanks for being an amazing friend through thick and thin hair.

Fat Frankie

2005-10-04T19:23:00.000-07:00

I think my goldfish has an eating disorder.

I bought him because he was plump and adorable. But now I have to admit to myself that my boy is getting fat. And I mean fat like his swimmer fins are so dwarfed by his chubby tummy that they just wiggle in space and don't assist him in maneuvering - kind of like the arms of a T-Rex, they're there but don't serve a purpose. I should have named him Rex.

I feed him a pinch of flakes twice a day, and when he sees me pick up the food can he starts to shake with excitement. Within seconds, when he has finished his meal, he begins to scour the rocks for anything that he could have missed, which is highly unlikely considering the way he hoovers his food.

He must love me for more reasons than just because I'm his source of sustenance. Every time I enter the room he greets me cheerfully. When I sit here at my desk he does tricks for me and sings along when I have music on. But if I get too close to that food can without immediately feeding him he gives me the silent treatment, hides behind his castle and pouts.

So the other day I gave in and I fed him an extra large pinch. He was so overcome with glee that he couldn't decide which pieces to eat first. But later I came back in and he didn't look good. He was breathing pretty hard and had to concentrate on swimming. Everytime he would stop moving he would begin to float rapidly to the top of the tank. I got really upset and made Roommie come in and give her medical opinion. She concluded that Frankie might spontaneously combust and I should leave the room so I wouldn't have to witness it.

Surprisingly he made it through the night and was famished again the next morning. And yet I still have the urge to give the fat kid more cake.

I'm an iPoder

2005-10-02T22:10:00.000-07:00

I love my iPod. It's a lifestyle.

My life has background music and I can change my theme song according to the situation. It's awesome.

When I'm on campus and I see someone I know they can tell I have headphones plugging up my ears and therefore don't press me for conversation. It's a lifesaver.

I have a beat to my step and I stand up a little straighter when I am listening to my favorite lyrics. It's uplifting.

Nip/Tuck

2005-09-25T23:14:00.000-07:00

As a journalist I have become fascinated by television shows that depict the life of any reporter; my favorite addiction being "Sex & the City". However I have to admit that I have been sucked into the show Nip/Tuck - and yes that pun was intentional.

Tuesday was the big premiere so I waited eagerly with my friends on their 1982 vintage couch to hear that slow creepy theme song. It was the usual sex, drugs & alcohol kind of thing - that is, until we met Mama.

This fictional woman (though Chris Arth said she is based on a real person) broke my heart. She was 600+ pounds I think, enough so that she couldn't even walk. She had been sitting on her couch for three years. Like so many of us, her life changed the day she met Tivo and evidently no longer found it necessary to stand up from that couch. What's worse was that since she couldn't move she was literally sitting in her own filth - and had been for three years. When asked about it she answered, "I'd rather not talk about that". And during that line she looked down and I could feel her utter shame. I cannot imagine a pain worse than that absolute humiliation.

The worst part... The combination of bed sores, constant moisture from her secretions and no movement had caused her to literally fuse and become one with her couch. So it was necessary to take her, couch and all, out an entire exterior wall of her home. She was crying in sheer desperation that they not take her outside because there were people lined up at her fence trying to watch her like she was a street performer.

I was so mortified by this that it actually brought tears to my eyes.

But tonight, after five days of beginning to forget about Mama, I saw David, the "Half Ton Man" - 1,000 pounds. There was also a man who was, as they said, "obesely overweight", and lost all of the weight spectacularly but then gained it all back. When he was put in the ambulance he was crying out in horror that his condition was because of a disease and not because he was weak or a slob or any of the other heinous things people say about someone in that situation. There has been a knot in my throat ever since. I cannot imagine that pain, that horror, that disappointment.

Can you?